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"I suppose you never cause trouble!" Touchy demanded. "I suppose you
never criticize anybody!"
Tap and Hendrek both looked at Snarks.
"Well, it's different for me," the truth-telling demon replied
hurriedly. "And look, a little constructive criticism never hurt
anybody. So I get to call them awful once in a while. They're my
companions, after all. They expect it of me!"
"Doom," Hendrek added. "It pays to be polite."
Tap nodded. "That's what Brownie Power's all about!"
Nasty looked to his fellows. "So that means we have to be polite to
this rabble?"
Snarks stared grimly at the upstart drawf as Hendrek hefted his club
and Tap did a few tentative dance steps.
"Doom," Hendrek remarked.
Brax stepped between the combatants. "Pardon me for butting in, but
is anyone here in the market for a previously owned weapon?"
But just then, Damsel and Dragon launched into another verse:
"So if you know someone who's feeling bad, And you want to make them
well, We've got an answer, so don't be sad, For soon they'll be
feeling swell! Song and dance'11 be the best time they ever had, And
Damsel and Dragon shall!"
Guxx's sneezes redoubled as he rolled about in the dirt.
"Do you have the feeling this is getting out of hand?'' Mother Duck
inquired.
I did not answer her for fear that, if I agreed, she would again put
us all under her spell.
"Perhaps this is too big a challenge for me, after all," she
murmured, more to herself than to me. "Perhaps I'd be better
restricting my fairy tales to golden geese and blind mice?"
Alea began an elaborate tap dance across Hubert's wings.
"If only I liked my name better," the old woman continued. "Having a
name like Mother Duck sometimes causes one to lose confidence. But
I've told you about that, haven't I?"
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The Seven Other Dwarves and my companions in the quest glowered at
each other.
"Oh, yeah?" the dwarves shouted.
"Doom," my companions replied.
The situation was getting tenser by the minute. But if I asked Mother
Duck to intervene, she would control us all, robbing me of my free
will!
"Mother Robin?" the old woman mused, then shook her head. "Entirely
too singsong. How about Mother Bluebird?" She pursed her lips, then
frowned. "Too much alliteration. Mother Red-Winged Blackbird?" She
sighed. "Altogether too long. How would they fit in on my books? Oh,
I know I shouldn't grouse--wait a minute, that's not bad at all." She
looked at me in triumph. "Mother Grouse! Well, perhaps it's not
perfect, but it certainly sounds better than Mother Duck, don't you
think?"
"Indeed," I replied, mostly to keep the conversation going. Mother
Duck seemed to handle chaos badly; it was also the only time she
chose to talk to me. I had failed before in persuading her to join
our cause. I wondered if there might be some other way I could turn
this situation to my advantage.
Damsel and Dragon had slowed their dance to a shuffle.
"Tell me, Damsel," Hubert began.
"Yes, Dragon?" Alea answered.
"How do my fellow lizards build their homes?" the dragon asked.
"Oh, that's easy," Damsel chorused. "With Rep-Tiles!"
"But I understand you can really swing," Alea continued after the
groans had subsided.
Hubert wiggled his posterior. "Sure can. But that's another tail
altogether!"
The crowd reaction to that one was even worse.
"But enough of clever patter!" Hubert shouted over the din. "Now
here's a number that really makes me want to shed my skin!"
"I think not!" Mother Duck exclaimed, raising both her hands. "No,
this is too much. Total confusion is one thing. That I can handle.
The way chaos constantly settles around the Eternal Apprentice is
interesting, to say the least. Vaudeville
110
humor, on the other hand--" She did not quite suppress a shudder.
"I'd better put everyone back under my power before something else
happens."
Jeffrey the Wolf waved his green cap at the old woman. "May I make a
suggestion?"
Mother Duck sighed. "If you must."
"You worry about your fairy tales becoming too chaotic," Jeffrey
added quickly. "Well, I have a solution to your problems." He thumped
his chest for emphasis. "We talking wolves are fairy tale
professionals! Just put me in your next story, and my tried and true
enchanted tale experience will guarantee a classic!"
"Perhaps," the old woman said warily.
"You won't be sorry," Jeffrey promised.
"Mother Duck is never sorry. But you might be." She shook her head
smartly, as if the contents needed to be slightly rearranged. "All
right," she agreed wearily. "Heaven knows I've tried everything
else."
She surveyed the whole group before her. "Now, everyone repeat after
me: Once upon--"
The earth began to shake. We all backed away quickly as a crevice
yawned in our midst. As usual, there was a cloud of dust, and when it
cleared, we saw a table with five demons.
"We've got you now!" the gavel demon cried in triumph.
It was the Netherhells again.
THIRTEEN
"Guxx Vnfufadoo, concerned demon. Asks you why you read quotations,
When you know Wuntvor's in danger; Says you should get on with
chapter!"
--The preceding was provided by
The Equal Time for Demons Act,
Vushta common law 77034
(recently repealed)
"This time," Mother Duck remarked, "you're in trouble."
All five demons caught sight of the angry old woman. All five demons
blanched noticeably.
"Oh, dear!" the gavel demon exclaimed, attempting a smile. "We've
made a mistake, haven't we?"
Mother Duck nodded. "Your last mistake."
"But we were sure this was Vushta!" the small, sickly demon at the
end broke in.
"Maybe it's Vushta in disguise!" another committee member suggested.
"Yeah!" the demon in the flowered hat added. "Maybe
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112
Mother Duck is in league with the wizards!"
"How dare you suggest such a thing?"
The demons all looked up, startled at Mother Duck's tone, for her
voice had slid from heated anger to coldest rage.
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