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office ." It'll kill them, won't it?" Bent demanded ." How can it be so
calm?"
"You have an affinity for spiders," I suggested. Of course, I already
knew.
" I suppose that ties in with the raw meat."
"As a matter of fact, it does. Yes, to pick up your question, this may
well be the last session. I want to take you through what you gave me
under hypnosis."
"About the garlic?"
"The garlic, yes, and the crosses."
He winced and managed to catch hold of a smile ." You tell me, then," he
said.
"Please sit down for a moment," I said, moving around my desk and
intervening between him and the cat ." How was your day?"
"I couldn't work," he muttered ." I stayed awake but I kept thinking of
how it'd be in the canteen. All those swines of women laughing and
pointing. That's what you've got to get rid of."
"Be assured, I will." I'll have you back at the conveyor belt before you
know, I thought: but there are more important fulfilments.
" But they all saw me!" he cried ." Now they'll all look!"
"My dear Mr Bent-no, Clive, may I?-you must remember, Clive, that odder
dishes than raw meat are ordered every day in canteens. You could
always tell them it was a hangover cure."
"When I don't know why myself? I don't want that meat," he said
intensely ." I didn't want it."
"Well, at least you came to see me. Perhaps we can find you an
alternative to raw meat."
"Yes, yes," he said hopelessly. I waited, staring for a pause at the
walls of my office, planed flat by pale green paint. Briefly I felt
enclosed with his obsession, and forced myself to remember why. When I
looked down I found that the pen in my hand was hurrying lines of
crosses across the blotter, and I flipped the blotter onto its face. For
a moment I feared a relapse ." Lie down," I suggested, "if it'll put you
at your ease."
"I'll try not to fall asleep," he said, and more hopefully, "It's nearly
dark." When he'd aligned himself on the couch he glanced down at his
hands on his chest. Discovered, they flew apart.
"Relax as completely as you can," I said, "don't worry about how," and
watched as his hands crept comfortingly together on his chest. His
sleeves dragged at his elbows, and he got up to unbutton his jacket.
He'd removed his hat when he entered my office, though with its wide
black brim and his gloves and high collar he warded off the sting of
sunshine from his shrinking flesh. I'd coaxed his body out of its
blackness and his mind was following, probing timidly forth from the
defences which had closed around it ." Ready," he called as if we were
playing hide and seek.
I placed myself between the couch and the window in order to read his
face ." All right, Clive," I said ." Last time you told me about a
restaurant where your parents had an argument. Do you remember?"
His face shifted like troubled water. Behind his eyelids he was silent
." Tell me about your parents," I said eventually.
I
" But you know," said his compressed face ." My father was good
to me. . Until he couldn't stand the arguments."
" And your mother?"
" She wouldn't let him be!" his face cried blindly ." All those Bibles
she knew he didn't want, making out he should be going to church
with her when she knew he was afraid-"
" But there was nothing to be afraid of, was there?"
" Nothing. You know that."
" So you see, he was weak. Remember that. Now, why did they
fight in the restaurant?"
" I don't know, I can't remember. Tell me! Why won't you tell
me?"
" Because it's important that you tell me. At least you can remem her
the restaurant. Go on, Clive, what was above your head?"
" Chandeliers," he said wearily. A bar of sunset was rising past his
eyes.
"What else can you see?"
"Those buckets of ice with bottles in."
"You can't see very much?"
"No, it's too dim. Candles-" His voice hung transfixed.
"Now you can see, Clive! Why?"
"Flames! F- The flames of hell!"
"You don't believe in hell, Clive. You told me that when you
didn't know yourself. Let's try again. Flames?"
"They were-inside them-a man's face on fire, melting! I could
see it coming but nobody was looking "Why didn't they look?"
His shuddering head pressed back into the couch ." Because it was
meant for me!"
" No, Clive, not at all. Because they knew what it was."
But he wouldn't ask. I waited, glancing at the window so that he
would call me back; the minute spiders stirred like uneasy caviar .
"Well, tell me," he said coyly, dismally.
" If you were to go into any of a dozen restaurants you'd see your
man on fire. Now do you begin to see why you've turned your back on
everything your parents took for granted? How old were you then?"
" Nine."
" Is it coming clear?"
" You know I don't understand these things. Help me! I'm paying
you! "
" I am, and we're almost there. You haven't even started eating
yet."
"I don't want to."
"Of course you do."
"Don't! Not
"Not-"
Outside the window, against the tiger-striped blurred sky, the cat
tensed to leap ." Not when my father can't," Bent whispered harshly.
"Go on, go on, Clive! Why can't he?"
"Because they won't serve the meat the way he likes."
"And your mother? What is she doing?"
"She's laughing. She says she'll eat anyway. She's watching him as
they bring her, oh-" His head jerked.
"Yes?"
"Meat-"
"Yes?"
It might have been a choke or a sob ." Guh! Guh! Garlic!" he cried,
and shook.
" Your father? What does he do?"
"He's standing up. Sit down! Don't! She says it all again, how it's
sacrilegious to eat blood- He's, oh, he's pulling the cloth off the
table, everything falls on me, everybody's looking, she comes at him,
he's got her hair, she bites him then she screams, he smiles, he's
smiling, I hate him!" Bent shook and collapsed in the shadows.
"Open your eyes," I said.
They opened wide, trustful, protected by the twilight ." Let me tell you
what I see," I said.
" I think I understand some things," he whispered.
"Just listen. Why do you fear garlic and crosses? Because your mother
destroyed your father with them. Why do you want and yet not want raw
meat? To be like your father who you really knew was weak, to make
yourself stronger than the man who was destroyed. But now you know he
was weak, you know you are stronger. Stronger than the women who taunt
you because they know you're strong. And if you still have a taste for
bloody meat, there are places that will serve it to you. The sunlight
which you fear? That's the man on fire, who terrified you because you
thought your father was destined for hell."
"I know," Bent said ." He was just a waiter cooking."
I switched on the desk-lamp ." Exactly. Do you feel better?"
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