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author was born in Russia and came to America when she was
young. She barely spoke English, but she wanted to be a great
writer. I thought that was very admirable, so I sat down and
tried to write a story.
"Ian MacArthur is a wonderful sweet fellow who wears
glasses and peers out of them with delight."
That was the first sentence. The problem was that I just
couldn't think of the next one. After cleaning my room three
times, I decided to leave Ian alone for a while because I was
starting to get mad at him.
I've had a lot of time to write and read and think about
things this past week because everyone is busy with prom and
graduation and schedules. Next Friday is their last day of
school. And then prom is on Tuesday, which I thought was
strange because I thought it would be on a weekend, but Sam
told me that every school can't have their prom on the same
night or else there wouldn't be enough tuxedos and restaurants
to go around. I said it felt very well planned. And then
Sunday is their graduation. It all feels very exciting. I wish it
were happening to me.
I wonder what it will be like when I leave this place. The
fact that I will have to have a roommate and buy shampoo. I
thought how great it would be to go to my senior prom three
years from now with Sam. I hope it's on a Friday. And I hope
I will be a valedictorian at graduation. I wonder what my
speech would be. And if Bill would help me with it if he didn't
go to New York and write plays. Or maybe he would even if
he was in New York writing plays. I think that would be
especially nice of him.
I don't know. The Fountainhead is a very good book. I
hope I am being a filter.
Love always,
Charlie
June 2, 1992 Dear friend,
Did you have a senior prank? I'm guessing you probably
did because my sister said it's a tradition at a lot of schools.
This year, the prank was as follows: Some seniors filled the
swimming pool with about six thousand packages of grape
Kool-Aid. I have no idea who thinks of these things or why,
except that the senior prank is supposed to signify the end of
school. What this has to do with a grape pool is beyond me,
but I was very happy not to have gym.
It's actually been a very exciting time because we've all
been busy finishing up the year. This Friday is the last day of
school for all of my friends and my sister. They've been
talking about their prom nonstop. Even the people that think
it's a "joke" like Mary Elizabeth can't stop talking about what a
"joke" it is. It's all very fun to witness.
So, by this time, everyone has finally figured out which
schools he or she is going to next year. Patrick is going to the
University of Washington because he wants to be near the
music there. He says he thinks he wants to work for a record
company someday. Maybe be a publicist or a person who
finds new bands. Sam finally made her decision to leave early
for the summer program at the college of her choice. I love
that expression. College of my choice. Safety school is
another favorite.
The thing was that Sam got into two schools. The college
of her choice and a safety school. She could have started at the
safety school in the fall, but in order to go to the college of her
choice, she had to do this special summer program just like my
brother. That's right! The school is Penn State, which is so
great because now I can visit my brother and Sam with one trip.
I don't want to think about Sam leaving just yet, but I did
wonder what would happen if she and my brother ever started
dating, which is stupid because they are nothing alike, and Sam
is in love with Craig. I have to stop doing this.
My sister is going to a "small liberal arts college back
East" called Sarah Lawrence. She almost didn't get to go
because it costs a lot of money, but then she got an academic
scholarship through the Rotary Club or Moose Lodge or
something like that, which I thought was very generous of
them. My sister is going to be second in her class. I thought
she might have been valedictorian, but she got a B when she
was going through that tough time with her old boyfriend.
Mary Elizabeth is going to Berkeley. And Alice is going
to study movies at New York University. I never even knew
she liked movies, but I guess she does. She calls them "films."
Incidentally, I finished The Fountainhead. It was a really
great experience. It's strange to describe reading a book as a
really great experience, but that's kind of how it felt. It was a
different book from the others because it wasn't about being a
kid. And it wasn't like The Stranger or Naked Lunch even
though I think it was philosophical in a way. But it wasn't like
you had to really search for the philosophy. It was pretty
straightforward, I thought, and the great part is that I took what
the author wrote about and put it in terms of my own life.
Maybe that's what being a filter means. I'm not sure.
There was this one part where the main character, who is
this architect, is sitting on a boat with his best friend, who is a
newspaper tycoon. And the newspaper tycoon says that the
architect is a very cold man. The architect replies that if the
boat were sinking, and there was only room in the lifeboat for
one person, he would gladly give up his life for the newspaper
tycoon. And then he says something like this ...
"I would die for you. But I won't live for you."
Something like that. I think the idea is that every person
has to live for his or her own life and then make the choice to
share it with other people. Maybe that is what makes people
"participate." I'm not really certain. Because I don't know if I
would mind living for Sam for a while. Then again, she
wouldn't want me to, so maybe it's a lot friendlier than all that.
I hope so anyway.
I told my psychiatrist about the book and Bill and about
Sam and Patrick and all their colleges, but he just keeps asking
me questions about when I was younger. The thing is I feel
that I'm just repeating the same memories to him. I don't
know. He says it's important. I guess we'll have to see.
I would write a little more today, but I have to learn my
math formulas for the final on Thursday. Wish me luck!
Love always,
Charlie
June 5, 1992 Dear friend,
I wanted to tell you about us running. There was this
beautiful sunset. And there was this hill. The hill up to the
eighteenth green where Patrick and I spit wine from laughing.
And just a few hours before, Sam and Patrick and everyone I
love and know had their last day of high school ever. And I
was happy because they were happy. My sister even let me
hug her in the hallway. Congratulations was the word of the
day. So, Sam and Patrick and I went to the Big Boy and
smoked cigarettes. Then, we went walking, waiting for it to be
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